


Bones of the Dead

by liionne



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombies, F/M, M/M, Shaun of the Dead AU, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-14
Updated: 2013-09-14
Packaged: 2017-12-26 14:11:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/966869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liionne/pseuds/liionne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The plan they'd agreed on was simple: Get Jo, Kill Joss, Get Jim, Go to the Enterprise, Have a pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bones of the Dead

The morning had been a bit of a blur, and Bones didn’t really want to think about it too hard. He’d woken up with a god awful hangover, remembered that the love of his life had dumped him for being a sad prick, also remembered that he’d missed his daughter’s birthday, and then found his room mate in the shower having turned into a zombie.

"Out, out, out!" He'd yelled, hastily doing up his fly as he pushed Scotty out of the door and onto the street, just as Undead Puri appeared at the top of the stairs.

And now he was on his way to Jocelyn’s house because Jo had phoned saying there’d been a guy in the back yard and her mom had got bitten. He was ready to beat Joss’s head in with a baseball bat like he’d already done to four other undead crazies this morning. Of course, when they’d gotten divorced he’d thought about hitting her in the head with a baseball bat, but now that he had the opportunity he wasn’t really looking forward to it.

On the way there, they sorted out their plan. They needed to collect their friends and go somewhere safe, yet familiar.

"And somewhere that I can smoke." Scotty had added.

So the plan they'd agreed on was simple: Get Jo, Kill Joss, Get Jim, Go to the Enterprise, Have a pint, and wait for all of this to blow over.

“Why do we have to get Jim?” Scotty moaned, as they drove down the road to Joss’s house. “He dumped you, remember?”

“Yeah I remember.” He muttered, turning the bat round in his hand. “But I love him. I want him safe. Alright?”

“Alright.” Scotty muttered. “Prick.”

They pulled up outside of Jocelyn’s house, and Scotty let out a low whistle. “Didn’t know Joss still had the Jag.”

“She won it in the divorce.” Bones shrugged. “Just keep movin’. Get into trouble, honk twice. Don’t go too far.”

“Got it.” Scotty nodded. Bones got out of the car, and smashed the back of a kid’s head in on his way to the front door. He knocked twice, holding the bloodied bat out of view as the door opened.

“Daddy!”

“Jo!” He smiled, relief tinting his voice as he pulled her towards him in a one-armed hug. “Jo, sweetheart, where’s your mom?”

“She’s in the kitchen. I don’t think she’s doin’ too good, Daddy, she’s gone all white and weird.” She explained, looking up at her dad with wide eyes. “But you’re a doctor, right? So you can fix it.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, kissing the top of her head. “Yeah I can fix it.”

She led him inside, and he shut the door carefully behind him. “You go on and watch TV, alright? I’ll talk to your mom.”

Joanna nodded, and skipped into the living room to watch cartoons. Bones readied his bat, and headed towards the kitchen. Jocelyn was stood at the sink, with her back to him, and he gave a soft sigh. “I’m sorry, Joss.” He said, as he raised the bat.

She turned round, and rolled her pale green eyes. “Why? What’ve you gone and done now?”

Bones dropped the bat to behind his back, giving her an innocent smile. “Nothing. Just uh, missed Jo’s birthday.”

“Yeah you did, asshole.” She muttered. She held a hand up to her forehead, sighing as if she were in pain.

“Are you feeling alright, Joss?” Bones asked, faking concern. “Maybe I should take Jo for the day, make it up to her for her birthday, maybe until you feel better-”

“I’m fine.” She said, shaking her head. “I’m alright. Don’t need a failed doctor like you to tell me that.”

Bones scowled at her. Apparently phase two of his plan wasn’t going as hoped. Maybe he could just kill her later, when she’d turned.

“Fine.” He snapped. “But we do need to get out of here. I assume you know what’s going on here, and Scotty and I’ve got a plan.”

“Oh, great.” She grimaced.

“So c’mon. Grab a coat and get in the car.” He ordered. “Jo! C’mon sweetheart, we’re gonna go visit Jim.”

“Mister Jim!” She cried, practically skidding into the kitchen. “I’ve never met Mister Jim before!”

“Yeah, sweetheart, I know. You’re gonna get to meet now though, alright? So let’s go.” he held a hand out to her and she took it, allowing him to lead her outside. With a grimace, Jocelyn followed. She wasn't keen on any idea that was spawned from the collective minds of Leonard and Scott, but she had no choice because Jo was going.

Scotty was stood in the drive, hands in his pockets.

“Scotty?” Bones asked, looking at him warily. “What the hell did you do to the car?”

“Might’ve crashed.” Scotty shrugged. Bones could just about see the smoking wreck of his Volvo behind him. “I suppose we’ll have to take the Jag.”

Having all been bundled into the Jaguar, there had been very little time to orgnise themselves. So Bones and Jocelyn sat in the back, because Scotty had stolen the keys and Jo had called shotgun. They pulled up outside of Jim, Nyota and Spock’s apartment building, and Bones repeated his instructions to Scotty, “Keep moving, remember, and h-”

“Honk twice, aye, I get it, now go and get your stupid boyfriend.” He waved his hand, before speeding off down the road.

Bones just rolled his eyes, turning the smack a pregnant zombie over the back of the head as she staggered towards him, and carried on toward the building.


End file.
